Growing Up...

Random Quote: "Today the world changes so quickly that in growing up we take leave not just of youth but of the world we were young in." ~ Peter Medawar

I keep thinking that as I get older I will feel more grown up. More mature. More... something. When in reality, I just feel like I'm stuck in an old person's body without fully grasping what everything around me means. 

When you leave the twenties behind and start thinking about your thirties, you begin to wonder where in the world all the years have gone. I mean, now you're ten years closer to forty and twenty years away from fifty, and all your brain can comprehend is: Damn it! I haven't even accomplished half of what I'm supposed to!!

Then you stop and think, what was it that I really wanted to accomplish? 

That's where you come to a thick, hard, inpenatrable wall. You see what you want to do and you think about what you want to do and match that with where you are in life and it just doesn't equal out. They don't match. They don't jive.

THAT is when you begin to feel really old. It's when you start to feel like a grown up. Because, obviously, every grown up around you is miserable and confused too. Right?

How many people look at the job or home or even state that they live in and think: This is exactly where I'm supposed to be, doing what I was meant to do? 

How many people just feel stuck? 

And everyone around you says, "It's okay. You can unstick yourself. Just do this..." 

Everybody else knows what to do for everybody else. Isn't that how it goes? 

Well, if I seem bitchy without purpose, don't worry. There is a purpose. It's that inner voice in me saying, "WAKE UP!!!" 

Because growing up isn't just about the toil and trials, the worry and disasters, the stupidity and immaturity. It's also about realizing you have to make changes in your life and make those changes count. 

So even if I still don't know what I'm doing or how to get there, I do know I want to get there. I need some changes. Good ones, I hope. I need to make those changes happen, plan and execute what needs to be accomplished without sitting on the sidelines and waiting for it to happen. I need to take those confounded risks!

And no, I'm not giving up chocolate. I said I needed to make changes, not lose my mind. 

Basically, that's it in a nutshell. Although I've never understood what that meant. How does everything fit into a nutshell anyway? They're way too small. I guess I'll ponder that quote another time...

~love and hugs...