I'm Not!

Random Quote: "I'm not where I need to be yet, but thank God I'm not where I used to be." ~Joyce Meyer

I originally heard this a few years ago from Joyce Meyer. This saying struck me and then stuck with me for a long time. Well, until this day really. I have never forgotten it. Then I heard it again in a recent sermon I listened to by Pastor Carter Conlon from New York Times Square Church. He said it a wee bit differently, but it sounded exactly the same to my ears. And when I heard it this week, it reminded me of how I had heard it so long ago. 

It was in the midst of hearing this "random quote" again that I thought: 

"This must be meant for me. 

Here. 

Now. 

In THIS moment." 

Because, let's face it, I have had one of those weeks where the word FAILURE comes to mind. Repeatedly.

Ever have one of those weeks? 

Yeah. Me too. This was one of them. 

I went from working an 80 hour week and redoing work because of a new system, to losing things, having comments that were supposed to print- not print, and then I had some really blatant rudeness flung in my direction. This does not even begin to describe my week though. Use your imagination though. It probably went something like that. 

Every time I think I am on the right track, I find out that I am not. It is one vicious cycle, let me tell you. Then again, you probably are already well acquainted with this "I'mafailureandIcan'tfigureoutwhatIamdoingandhowtofixeverythingandbeperfectbecausethat'swhateveryoneexpectsofme" cycle. 

Yeah. I read about it from posts and other people's blogs. I see the utter (funny word, I know) sadness and even depression of friends who cannot keep up this lifestyle. I see it and wonder: "How can I be what God created me to be when I don't feel like I'm making a difference at all? When I feel like a failure?" 

Anyone thinking that? Or something like it???

That's when I heard this quote, and it reminded me: "I am NOT a failure!"

Ya wanna know why? 

It's because I am not the same person I was yesterday. I keep changing and evolving and making a difference everyday. Even when the only difference I am making is in who I am as a person. That may sound corny, but by golly, it's the truth. When I heard this saying I just knew it was for me (conceited yes, but also appropriate). 

Flash of realization coming my way: I am not who I was yesterday. 

That's a good thing. Today I am a little closer to the Lord. A little closer to who I need and want to be. A little closer to fulfilling my dreams. A little closer to being okay with the ending I have in this life whether I go out with a bang or with a whisper. I'm not one-dimensional or even two-dimensional person. I am a three-dimensional person, and if I sometimes look a little 3-D too, so be it. Lol. The main point is: As long as I don't give up and keep moving forward, the further I will go. 

If anyone learns anything from me or this blog, I sincerely pray that it is this: NEVER be disappointed in who Yah (God) created you to be. ALWAYS move forward. STOP looking back. REALIZE that the only one holding you behind is you. LET GO!

You may not be where you want to be in this life, but that IS okay. You are a work in progress. As Pastor Carter Conlon said in his sermon: "Don't Despise the Day of Small Endings", it IS okay to finish "small". You do NOT need to be a household name to make a difference or to be important or to be known and appreciated. You do NOT need to be a celebrity and know all the "right" people and hang with the "cool" kids to be really awesome. To be loved. 

You are a puzzle piece.

Without you, the whole world picture is incomplete. Without you, your family is at a loss. Without you, your friends are a little more lonely. Without you, someone didn't get fed or clothed or helped or smiled at or hugged today. Without you, this world is missing something priceless. You make a difference by being here and being you. 

So when the "world" tells you that you aren't what you should be, look to Yah (God) and ask what He thinks. Because if you "did" today (which means you didn't just "try" because like my friend Suzy says, "trying means you give yourself the chance to fail" but just do it), then you have gone another step forward. You didn't stay in the same place or even take two steps back. You moved one step forward because you actually did something to make yourself and the world better.

Every day you get out of bed counts.

Every smile counts.

Every thank you,

Every please counts.

Every hug counts.

Every "I love you" counts.

Every breakfast or lunch or dinner made counts.

Every phone call counts.

Every card counts.

Every pat on the back counts.

Every day counts.

Keep counting forward. Keep looking forward. Keep smiling. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Baby steps. Just like Bill Murray in "What About Bob". I love that movie because it reminds me that no matter how neurotic I get or feel there is someone else worse than me, lol. (Please do not dispell the image I'm working with here by reminding me that it is only a movie. I realize that.)

So, this week, I learned that I am a puzzle piece. A slightly bent puzzle piece-- that is perhaps a little worse for wear, but still a puzzle piece. An important part of the beginning and the end of my own story. Every ending needs a beginning and every puzzle needs all the pieces to have the complete picture. 

Writing this evening keeps me going and helps me to recenter and remember that although I am not where I want to be yet, THANK YAH (GOD) I AM NOT WHERE I USED TO BE. 

'Cause, I could tell you stories. I may just do that one day. For now I leave you with this: "Stop trying to 'matter' and just be. You are a puzzle piece. Get over it and tell your story. One day at a time. Because you may not be who you want to be or think you should be, but you can still be thankful and praise Yah (God) that you aren't where you used to be." 

Yeah. I think all the perfectionists need a break. Goodnight Puzzle Piece, lol. 

I'm glad you're a part of my puzzle. 

~Love and Hugs!! :)